


the today we chose

by glueskin



Series: goodbye, summer wars [2]
Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Anxiety & Agoraphobia, Gen, Hospitals, Post-Summertime Record
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:46:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glueskin/pseuds/glueskin
Summary: shintaro visits haruka on the day of his release.
Relationships: Kisaragi Shintaro & Kokonose Haruka
Series: goodbye, summer wars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783648
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	the today we chose

**Author's Note:**

> going to be honest its hot as hell where i am rn so im like delirious atm

As September stretches on and the suffocating heat of summer eases into a mild, lingering warmth that signals the approach of autumn, Shintaro gets ready to see Haruka off at the hospital.  
  
His mother fusses, of course. He’s gone out three times since that hellish week of August and only one of those outings was with Momo—the shock and delight on their mother's worn face had been another sharp reminder of how difficult Shintaro’s self-imposed isolation had been on those around him and the guilt for it is strong.  
  
So he lets his mother fuss, smoothing out his hair and the wrinkles in his jersey despite the fact he’s only going to the hospital to see Haruka.  
  
“Make sure to tell Kokonose-kun he can come over any time now that he’s discharged,” Shintaro’s mother insists, giving his hair one last once-over. “It’s been so long since we saw that boy.”  
  
“I will, Mom,” Shintaro says, face hot as she smiles warmly down at him. At least Ene isn’t in his phone recording this—probably, anyway; it’s gotten difficult to tell, given she comes and goes as she pleases these days.  
  
“Good. Be careful not to pass out on the train, okay?”  
  
“I won’t p—Mom, I won’t!” Shintaro sputters, hating Momo for gleefully telling her how he had fainted on the train when they first went to visit Haruka together.  
  
“Of course not, dear, but be careful,” she insists, and Shintaro doesn’t continue to try and defend himself. He just huffs and shuffles his feet, inching back toward the front door.  
  
“Can I go now? I’ll be late,” he says and she laughs and sees him off.  
  
The weather as it is now is far more tolerable than it had been mid-August; the heat doesn’t make him shaky and dizzy and it’s easier for Shintaro to swallow back his anxiety as he presses himself against the window of the crowded train, clutching at the overhead grip to keep himself from swaying.  
  
It’s early afternoon so while school is back in session the train isn’t packed full of commuting students; still, the amount of people on board makes Shintaro feel dizzy with illogical fear. Nobody is looking at him; everybody is looking at their phones, their books, out the window, at the floor. Not at him.  
  
And yet he still manages to feel as if every single person is looking at him anyway.  
  
Still, Shintaro doesn’t faint this time. He makes it to the station near the hospital, stumbling onto the platform with trembling legs. He has to take several minutes to lean against a vending machine, catching his breath and waiting for his legs to stop shaking.  
  
It’s humiliating. At least Momo isn’t with him this time—she’s understanding about it, but she also slips and tells everyone else after the fact and while Shintaro doesn’t mind being laughed at by his sister, Kano is absolutely insufferable.  
  
Once he can handle walking again, Shintaro makes his way towards the hospital. From the station it’s barely a five minute walk.  
  
He still finds himself impulsively checking his phone for Ene. It seems strange not to be plagued by her continuous commentary on everything he does, chattering away in his ear even when he’s walking around.  
  
It’s…a little bit lonely.  
  
Entering the hospital, such thoughts are chased away by the off putting smell within. Clinics and hospitals all have the same unnerving smell—the scent of the sick milling about and the powerful cleaning materials used to scrub the floors and walls clean each night.  
  
Nausea wells up in his throat the unpleasant familiarity of it all, but Shintaro isn’t here for himself. He chokes it down and focuses on _Haruka_.  
  
The fifth floor is long term care. Shintaro enters an elevator with a nurse carting a snack tray and a damp eyed middle aged woman clutching the hand of a preschooler; Shintaro averts his gaze carefully.  
  
The woman and child aren’t in the elevator long. They get off on the second floor for emergency care and the nurse with her snack cart gets off on the fourth for short term care; Shintaro is alone, if only for a few moments.  
  
It’s still a relief.  
  
He gets out on the fifth floor, wishing he could head directly to Haruka’s room but forcing himself to stop at the nurse’s station.  
  
Two people are in front of him. He doesn’t need to wait long; checking in to visit only takes a few seconds, after all, but he still spends the minute in line agonizing over the words he’s going to say.  
  
The elderly man in front of him leaves. The nurse is an older woman with greying hair and a comforting smile that does nothing to ease the way Shintaro’s legs drag as he steps forward.  
  
“I’m, um, here to see Kokonose-san in room 504,” he manages to say. The words feel awkward in his mouth, the formality of address making it even stranger, but he speaks at a normal volume and doesn’t stutter so he counts it as a win.  
  
“Ah, Kokonose-kun? It’s good to see he has friends who come visit,” the nurse says, sounding pleased. “He’s being released this afternoon though, isn’t he? Let’s see…”  
  
She shuffles through some of the forms in front of her before nodding to herself. “Yes, it seems his father, Kokonose-sensei, has already signed him out. Kokonose-kun should still be in his room, however.”  
  
“So I can see him?” Shintaro hates how strangely weak his voice becomes.  
  
“Yes, go right ahead,” the nurse says, and Shintaro tries to return her smile and probably fails spectacularly before he shuffles towards the hall.  
  
He almost bumps into a cart full of empty food trays; Shintaro can practically hear Ene’s laughter in his head even though she isn’t there.  
  
He slows his hurried pace closer towards Haruka’s room. The door is open, of course, and over the cacophony of voices from other rooms Shintaro clearly hears one in particular, unfamiliar as it is.  
  
He steps towards Haruka’s room, and as expected Haruka is there—but not alone. Haruka is seated on the bed, his legs swung over the side and his wheelchair just out of reach. There’s a man Shintaro’s never seen, wearing scrubs and a pair of wire-framed glasses.  
  
His hair is the same colour as Haruka’s used to be.  
  
“—aunt won’t be able to take you until the weekend,” the man is saying. “I’ve turned your old room into a study but you can sleep on the pull out until then. I won’t be home most of the day, either, so you’ll have to manage on your own.”  
  
Shintaro can’t remember the last time he’d seen Haruka with an expression like the one he wears in the face of his father’s uncaring tone and callous words. It isn’t even an expression—his face is just blank, reminding Shintaro unnervingly of Konoha’s in those moments where Shintaro thought him dead. A sick feeling sinks into his gut heavily.  
  
“Thank you for your consideration, father,” Haruka says in a voice unlike his own—distant and not quite there. He glances up through his lashes to meet his father’s eyes and meets Shintaro’s instead, his eyes widening somewhat.  
  
Before Haruka can say anything else, Shintaro steps into the room just as Haruka’s father looks his way—Shintaro couldn’t tell from the previous angle, but now he sees hair color was the only similarity between father and son, the older Kokonose’s face hard and worn.  
  
“Hey, Haruka,” Shintaro says, letting his eyes skitter past Haruka’s father. His voice is remarkably even and somehow his hands don’t shake as he walks towards the bed, ignoring the doctor and grabbing his friend's wheelchair. “Are you ready?”  
  
“Ready?” Haruka repeats, sounding as confused as he looks, but he’s dressed—not in a hospital gown but in one of his wool cardigans and soft cotton pants.  
  
Shintaro looks at him desperately, hoping he’ll get it, and Haruka’s confusion melts into a more familiar smile.  
  
“Right. Of course I am. I was waiting for you, after all,” he says, glancing back towards his father.  
  
“You don’t need to worry about me for now, father. I have somewhere to stay, so I won’t bother you.”  
  
When Shintaro lifts his gaze, too, the expression on the doctor’s face is incredulous. He looks down at Shintaro, both literally and figuratively, mouth twisting with distaste.  
  
“With...him?” He says carefully, and the way he looks at Shintaro can be compared to the way one looks when they step in dog crap.  
  
Shintaro doesn’t waver. He brings Haruka’s wheelchair to the edge of his bed and asks, “Do you need any help getting up?” and pretends the other man isn’t even in the room.  
  
Haruka looks utterly delighted.  
  
“I’m fine, Shintaro-kun,” he says, pushing himself off the bed carefully. He doesn’t wobble and his expression doesn’t shift into one of pain as he turns around to sink into the chair instead.  
  
“Very well, then,” Haruka’s father says dispassionately. “Stay with your—friend. Less for me to worry about, in case you suddenly keeled over in my own home.”  
  
Shintaro’s grip on the back handles of the wheelchair tightens until his knuckles ache. He can’t see Haruka’s expression like this, but his own darkens, his mouth twisting downward.  
  
“Haruka will be fine,” he says without even meaning to, his voice sounding too loud to his own ears. “Especially if he’s not with _you_. Excuse us, sensei.”  
  
He wheels Haruka past his father, ignoring the man’s stunned expression in favour of staring directly ahead of himself. He has to force himself to ease his grip on the wheelchair handles, unclenching his jaw to stop his teeth from grinding unhappily.  
  
Shintaro knows he’s blessed. His mother loves him and his sister dearly, worked herself nearly to death for their sakes after the loss of their father—but even knowing he’s lucky for this, it’s still hard to believe anyone could care so little for their own child. Especially one like Haruka, who has done nothing to deserve such callous disregard.  
  
He’s jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of giggling. He stops, glancing down, and Haruka is smothering laughter behind his hand when he turns to look up at Shintaro.  
  
“That was super cool, Shintaro! You should show that bold and heroic side more often,” he says and despite the laughter in his voice Shintaro knows the words are genuine. It makes his face burn with embarrassment.  
  
“It’s—whatever, let’s just go. I’ll need to text my Mom so she knows to expect you, but I can do that at the train station. Do you want to stop anywhere on the way?”  
  
“No, I’m fine. This is...more than enough.”  
  
Haruka doesn’t say _you didn’t need to do that_. Maybe Shintaro didn’t need to, but he couldn’t see himself doing anything else.  
  
Now...how to explain this to his mother?

**Author's Note:**

> 'sensei' is a title used not only for teachers but also for doctors, hence shintaro addressing harukas father as such.
> 
> fun fact i love coffee and my username is glueskin


End file.
